i haven't posted in a while, and it's not because i haven't been throwing things away. ok, it's not because i haven't been contemplating throwing things away. just been busy, doing some traveling, and going back to work, a whole other story. in fact, there are a few things i've meant to blog about before now. but they'll have to wait, because
i threw out my breast pump tonight, and i feel the need to document it immediately. in fact, it was a breast pump i'd inherited from some good friends who were done with it (through another good friend who was going to donate some stuff for them, but happened to hold onto it between the time my friends got rid of stuff and the time i needed it. procrastination worked in my favor.) it was pretty old, but worked well for 10 or 11 months, way longer than i expected it to, and since i only planned to pump for a year, i borrowed another friend's pump for the last few weeks. (don't worry, it's sterilized and all that.)
anyway, the pump in the pic was on its last legs, and it turns out you can't really donate that kind of stuff, so i threw it away. even though i stopped using it several weeks ago, i only threw it out tonight, which feels symbolic to me because i also finished pumping this week, the week my son turned 1. i nursed and pumped for as long as i could, but when my son took up a serious and painful biting habit, i decided i needed to stop nursing, and went to exclusive pumping for the last 7 weeks or so of our year. (i'm actually still pumping occasionally, but just to make the transition smooth and not go "cold turkey.") to add to this, this departure feels particularly symbolic because the pump is currently in the garbage on top of the remains of my son's first birthday monkey cake (the second "practice" cake i made, the first one being practice for his real cake, and the second one being more practice because he was sick on his birthday so we still plan to celebrate sometime. after which, i will likely have had my fill of banana cake with chocolate frosting for a good while.)
it should go without saying, though it does not, since i'm saying it here and all over this blog, that i'm slow to throw things away. especially things that are meaningful to me. which is a lot of stuff, because i tend to imbue meaning into so much stuff. while in some ways this is fun--a receipt can send me down memory lane--in other ways it's a huge burden, and as someone said to me: if every receipt sparks an emotional reaction, that's too much stimulation. so you can imagine how emotional i might get about a breast pump. first, it just feels counterintuitive to chuck something so big and expensive. an appliance, even. second, i feel like it represents my first year of motherhood, and the first year of my son's life. and the end of his babyhood, in some ways, if you believe that babies become toddlers at age 1. (i'm preferring not to believe this, since i could use a few more months of babyhood, but i'm pretty sure my son may have also taken his first (half) step today, and there is probably no disputing that they're toddlers once they start, well, toddling.)
anyhoo, i'm already mourning the loss of babyhood and trying to figure out ways to commemorate it --> saving of stuff. but a) that's what some of his clothes, cards, a lock of hair from his first haircut, knick-knacks, and 2000 some odd photos are for; and b) even i (sort of) have to admit that a broken breast pump serves no one well lying around the house, nor is it the best way to honor my sweet son. (but honey, are you sure i shouldn't just keep the adaptor? maybe it will work on something else? yes, i'm sure.) sigh. off it goes. with the leftover birthday cake, the calcifying practice fondant monkey (also for his birthday -- i swear i don't just keep old food lying around), and lord knows what else.
you know, some days i find this little neurosis of mine sort of cute. or at least fairly benign. tonight it's feeling a little more serious. not quite hoarders serious yet, but you know, make-a-list-and-throw-out-five-things-a-day-for-a-week serious. i'm going to chalk it up to the emotional spikes of the past week (my first mother's day, my baby's first birthday and first illness) and give myself the benefit of the doubt. for now. if i start posting pictures of old newspapers and lean cuisine boxes, that may be your cue to start worrying. if you're not already, that is. in the meantime, perhaps i should shake off my recent setback and attack my project with renewed vigor. decluttering boot camp, anyone? i'll report back soon.
